Saturday, September 7, 2013

Confronting The Inevitablilty Of Death With Simple Crafts You Can Do At Home

There are a lot of days where I wake up, and stare at the ceiling for a few moments and think to myself "well Andy, no escaping it, Death will claim you and everyone you know". This might drag a lot of people down, but fortunately I've found a foolproof remedy for Existential Crisis - edible busywork.

Making flavored sugar cubes is one of those things like making vinegar or baking bread that is incredibly easy, but where also no one believes you when you tell them it is incredibly easy. People say "Oh my god how did you make those?!" and then you say "It's really easy, you just" and then their eyes glaze over because most people are lazy. Perhaps their laziness stems from not acknowledging that Grim Death is hovering over their shoulders?

This latest batch was made with Fernet Leopold Highland Amaro, an American-made Fernet style digestive liquor with a distinct mint flavor. How distinct? To approximate:
  1. Grab a tube each of Tom's Wicked Fresh Spearmint Ice & Cool Peppermint Toothpaste, some unsweetened cocoa powder, and a friend.  
  2. Fill your mouth with a tablespoon of cocoa powder
  3. Insert the end of both tubes into your mouth. 
  4. Close your eyes 
  5. Have a friend squeeze both tubes simultaneously into your mouth as hard as they can. Ideally you'll want a friend that has known you long enough that they will relish the chance to make you suffer.
Anyway to make sugar cubes, you'll slowly mix in about 1.5 tablespoons of liqueur into 3/4 cups sugar. As you mix it should take on the consistency of damp sand, add more of either ingredient until it feels about right for building a sand castle. Spread on wax/parchment paper into a layer the height of desired cubes and let sit for 15 minutes while you contemplate how little the universe cares about you or your sugar cubes. While an almost overwhelming wave of hopelessness and despondency washes over you, preheat your oven to 150. Use a knife to divide the sugar into cubes, if they look shitty and irregular, well that's probably how you look too. They'll need about 20 minutes in the oven to dry out, once they feel pretty solidified remove them to cool totally and then artfully arrange in a glass to impress others with how little value your time must have if you have time to make flavored sugar cubes.

They will keep for months and are a useful addition to coffee, champagne, or in creation of an Old-Fashioned.   

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