Thursday, June 26, 2014

In Which The Root of Shirking Is Uncovered

One of the greater obstacles to keeping a rigorously updated blog, beyond the crushing limitations of time (DEATH IS INESCAPABLE), is my lack of empathy for the audience. All day long, my glowing brain churns up a frothing slurry of brilliance, my skull crowding with spiteful bon mots and ferociously innovative cocktail ideas. Meanwhile the oppressive specter of Charity nags that I should share these delightful insights with the teeming throngs. Why should one so obviously gifted in such a gamut of capacities not try to brighten the days of the Damned?  But once I settle in to really GIVE BACK to society, Charity is quickly bludgeoned into silence by Desire For Nap and the luminous pearls of the day's mental exertions slip through the cracks.

Where does Desire For Nap come from? The original germ of it doesn't lurk in my blood, being built from robustly Puritan stuff my heart beats to the scheme of "WORK HARDER - MAN'S LOT IS TO TOIL". So the desire for a nap must be a foreign importation. Perhaps it lurks within the Absinthe Milkshake?

Free Will & Divine Providence

1.5 oz Absinthe
4 oz Avocado flavored Ice Cream which is a real thing and not a sick joke
1.5 oz Mint Simple Syrup
1.5 oz Some Kind Of Dairy (I Forget)
1 Egg
1/2 Lime

Step 1 - Make a To Do list. Don't feel limited to things you have to accomplish today, go ahead and include broad, far-reaching goals like "Grow Even Taller", "Make A Shitload Of Money" or "Wash Dishes".
Step 2 - Stare at list for 10-15 minutes, with increasingly mounting anxiety. Feel depressed that item #1 is "Eat Breakfast" even though it's past 10.
Step 3 - Get out blender to make yogurt smoothie, realize that you are out of yogurt but have plenty of Absinthe.
Step 4 - Combine ingredients and blender to milkshake consistency. Quickly decide that this would taste better in the bathtub.
Step 5 - While using To Do list as bookmark, accidentally render illegible by dropping it in the tub. Interpret this as Divine Providence, and when done in tub take a nap.

I consider the Absinthe Suissesse to be in the Pantheon of breakfast cocktails, the bibulous and overstuffed Dionysus compared to the Gin Fizz's Hermes. While I'm sure this imbibe recipe produces an excellent drink, I dispense with much of it and retain only the Absinthe, Heavy Cream, Egg and simple syrup (ideally mint, but practically whatever is in the fridge). For lighter fare, I will omit the Egg & Heavy Cream and instead use Soy Milk which is bizarrely tasty. For heavier fare, see the above recipe.