Wednesday, August 28, 2013

A Pressing Sense of One's Mortality

Step 1 - Feel enough like shit that you are willing to try a herbal remedy but not so much like shit that you can't be bothered to collect herbs from the garden to make said remedy. Also, if you have Nyquil in the house, skip all steps and just have some Nyquil.

Step 2 -  Make horehound syrup, basically same as you would make any flavored simple syrup. Horehound is supposed to be good for cold/sore throat/cough stuff, and like all cold/sore throat/cough remedies it is impossible to determine if it works.  

Horehound is related to mint. Unless it isn't and just looks like it is. I am not a botanist.
Horehound (far right) growing in a cinderblock jail
Step 2 a. Place about 1.5 cups fresh leaf matter in bowl and pour over about 3/4 cup just boiled water, cover bowl.

Step 2 b. Read a few chapters of a Wodehouse book about cricket or however you pass 15 minutes, then strain into sauce pan.

Step 2 c. Heat liquid as you stir in about 1/2 or so cups honey or agave (I used both because I felt guilty using up all the honey that Margarett bought for some stupid herbal remedy), once fully integrated simmer for a bit to reduce/thicken while you wikipedia how in God's name cricket is played. Pour into canning jar and allow to cool.

Step 3 - Try to find ways to stomach this weird horehound syrup, including mixed into tea, in beer, and then finally hit on something that works:

"A Pressing Sense of One's Mortality"

1 oz Barenjager
.8 oz Horehound Syrup

Pour both into a shot glass, then drink slowly while thinking hopeful thoughts about the healing properties of herbs...

As for it's efficacy, you may or may not feel better but I guarantee you'll die eventually.

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