Tuesday, October 29, 2013

A Return To The Original Premise

Well the Government is back in action, and so am I. Having recently returned from 'The Windy City' (some kind of flatulence thing?), I am slowly piecing back together the shattered aspects of my body and mind. The Chicago diet seems to be, as MM Piere DuPlais would say, "very defective, and can only result in a product of very bad taste, and is highly injurious to the animal economy". This is epitomized by The Slinger, a pile of steaming garbage designed to absorb/slow the rushing tide of the vat of fizzing garbage downed as a precursor. A mound of hash browns, eggs, hamburger patties, cheese and chili, buttressed by two pieces of toast, The Slinger is virtually unchanged in appearance after struggling through the human body.

Slinger, chciago, Diner Grill, Hamburger Lagoon, carb slurry

Being on the West Coast for 5-years has altered the function of my viscera, to the point that I need an array of live-culture yogurt and organic kale sweat to proceed. Without providing unseemly graphic detail, my digestion typically functions analogous to this. After a long weekend in Chicago, it's more like this.

To resolve my gastro situation, I naturally turn to the liquor cabinet. Wormwood-based apertifs and digestives have long been a cure to the Italian cuisine, but in such a dire situation I wasn't sure what the optimal one would be. Wormwood-based aperitifs and digestives are also typically peelingly bitter. The cocktail below was inspired by The New Yorkers description of the government shutdown as a "peerless episode of cynical self-immolation, ideological piety, and brinkmanship".

malort, fernet, pelinkovac, saint maria amaro, chicago makes me want to die
One Man's Struggles
1 Part Jeppson's Malört
1 Part Fernet-Vallet
1 Part Pelinkoav
1 Part S. Maria al Monte Amaro
1 Part Letherbee Malört

Waste a lot of time measuring the density of all spirits, with the goal of making a hilarious pousse-cafe. Pour them in the wrong order so that they mix together into an ominous black vial. Enjoy unironically, or not.

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